Forgiveness

I’ve probably made it known before that I don’t forgive easily. I’m the one who unfortunately holds grudges; as much as I try not to, it still seems to happen. This got me thinking…have I ever really given forgiveness to anyone…ever?

I don’t think so.

I imagine forgiveness as a crystal clear release where suddenly memory fails you and your body lightens; a sense of naivety in the air.  Pureness. Like innocence the moment before it is lost. It’s something so elevating that I can’t even truly comprehend the gravity of its existence. How do you forgive, truly forgive?

Maybe I put forgiveness up on too high a pedestal. It should be something I practice more often…then again, why should it? Shouldn’t people be more eager to do the right thing in the first place rather than the wrong and expect to be forgiven for their poor choices later? I think so. Sure we’ve all done things wrong, made bad decisions and wished on an occasion or two we could turn back time and give a situation another go. Forgiveness does have a place in this world. I just wonder if some people rely too heavily on its notion; that they can do wrong and still be forgiven so they can move on and continue to make more insensitive decisions.

I wish I did forgive more easily so I would at least understand what it felt like to really “let go” of something. Maybe I have and don’t realize it. But then, why would certain things still bother me so much? Are my standards of human decency too high?

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