Do people change?

Do people change? It’s an age old topic; one members of every generation have contemplated and continue to consider. Recently I’ve been doing some soul searching, all matters revolving around the concepts of change and forgiveness. See, I’m not one who easily forgives. In fact, the idea of forgive and forget seems ridiculous to me. I believe in history. I believe that you learn from studying history and that is what enable one to avoid making the same mistakes as those in the past. Thus “forgive and forget” doesn’t work for me. I do forgive, but it comes difficultly. I’m made the error of forgiving quickly before only to be smacked down harder by the dastardly deeds of the person who had wronged me and hitting the ground the second time is no easier than the first, in fact it stings more. Thus, forgiveness takes a long time and even then…

Change…it’s a powerful word. One filled with infinite possibilities for incredible things and infinite opportunities for failure. I’d like to tell you about some people I’ve been watching lately for change. In this quest of soul searching I’ve found this is where I need to focus some more energy, deciding who should and shouldn’t be a part of my life or how large of a part I allow them to be. It’s much harder than it sounds. It means being brutally honest with yourself about who the cancers are in your life, those people who bring you down and use you.

Three of these people I’ve known my whole life. Person #1 has done a lot of soul searching of their own. They have worked to make positive changes and I am grateful for that but in the hectic schedule of my life I haven’t made the time I should. Or maybe it’s just because I became tired of being disappointed and broken-hearted that my heart doesn’t open as large to this person as it once did. I have hope but it’s hard. This person has changed and I appreciate that change, I’m just not sure the change is permanent and even if it I don’t know that it will ever be the same as I once felt.

Person #2 is quite similar in my relationship however their elements of change I’m not sure about. There’s been a great distance there for years now and I don’t know how much of a change has occurred. I’m afraid there is a big façade making things look rosy when really the same feelings and motivations lie under the surface meaning they will react the same as they once did. It could be volatile. I’m reaching out with feelers and we’ll see how it goes. Time will tell like all things.

Person #3 became distant for odd reasons, a sense of relationship loyalties really. It’s been nice to interact with them lately and I do see a big change there. A maturity which has taken life experience to develop. It’s refreshing to be around them and recall the past. I feel a part of me I’d forgotten for a while and would love to reconnect with. We’ll see how it goes. Small changes are a good, it’s one step at a time.

My relationship with Person #4 has been a rocky road. In the beginning I was very open-minded. In fact I defended the person against the person I love most. I didn’t see the other side until a little later and then well things went downhill. After much time I tried to reach out again, be generous and kind, thoughtful in all ways. That backfired. The bullets shot were even more damaging and I retreated to my cave to heal once more. Recently I thought we were on a good road. Things had been more cordial and even dare I say it, nice. We’d been friendly. I thought they had changed. Then the ugliness reared its head again with eye rolls, rude remarks and a service me attitude. The only kind things out of this person’s mouth were in an obvious attempt to obtain free goods and services from me. I am nothing more than a resource to be consumed and thrown away once depleted. Well, I am now depleted. There has been no change there. I was a fool to think it was possible.

Person #5 is the trickiest. I never thought there was an issue for years. I was blinded and played like a fool. Well blind I am no more. There is no hope for change here. Honestly. None. There may be moments which are more pleasant, things that make you say “hey look they gave a damn” but then there is the other side, a reminder of what we are not and will never be regardless of what we do or how hard we try. It is engraved in stone. This person will not change and because it of I am forced to make the decision; do I lower myself to the same ridiculous behavior and questionable moral status or do I continue on living the way I do and ignore them when the childish things start to avoid conflict while also never volunteering to help because doing so inevitably leads to abuse and a serious lack of appreciation? Easy choice.

Change is an important part of life as things are in constant motion and evolution. I’ll continue studying these people and their changes as well as my own. I’m not quick to forgive but I do offer second chances, and third and fourth…what a dummy.

Have a wonderful day everyone. May all the changes in your life be positive.

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Comments

  1. What a thought provoking piece! Forgiveness, change and clearing out the old. I wonder if we stop putting our energy and attention into relationships that don’t nourish or inspire, if we open up space for new connections. All the best as you observe and decide.

    • Thank you so much for reading and commenting. You make an excellent point. If we let go of those relationships which aren’t nourishing I believe that surely we’ll be more open and receptive to new ones which do. We all have those times in our lives when we have to sit back and really dig deep to decide where you move from here. We shall see what happens.

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